Hey Guys I’m back with a short 3 part series about autism and relationships. Today i’l be starting with romantic relationships and how hard it is for people on the spectrum to connect with their partners. Tomorrow il be writing about autism and family relationships and on Tuesday as well as my regular post il be writing about autism and friendships. I am sure i can expand this but for now that’s the first three I can think of.
Reading through the FAQ’s on autism.org.uk I find myself answering some of the questions in my head.
Some people enter into relationships not fully understanding what Autism is.
In the dictionary, Autism is defined as a mental condition, present from early childhood, characterized by great difficulty in communicating and forming relationships with other people and in using language and abstract concepts.
Now reading that I am confused it’s too wordy. These big words don’t help anyone understand what autism is. So let me tell you it in my own words.
What Is Autism?
Autism is an umbrella term used to describe many difficulties faced by a person, usually these difficulties are social and affect how a person communicates and relates to others and how they understand the world. Sometimes these difficulties leave people unable to talk.
Autism and romantic relationships.
When people enter into relationships with an autistic person, they sometimes are unaware of all the problems that their partner may face. Sometimes their obsessions and hobbies are seen as obstructions to daily life. In another series I will be talking about obsessions and hobbies.
Sometimes the autistic partner may seem aloof to your feelings or events which are coming up, birthdays, anniversaries, dates. They may not tell you they love you, but that is not to say they don’t feel it, it may just be that they do not see the necessity for the social convention which you and I need, or it could be the fact they just do not understand the need for it to be told more than once.
For someone on the spectrum, they may not be able to read the non verbal cues, they find it hard to see more than their point of view. So communication is an issue for someone on the spectrum in relationships.
I know i have had partners in the past both on and off the spectrum and for every relationship communication was the main problem. Maybe it was me who was too shy and quiet because i wanted to keep them happy but that was making me miserable. My last partner our communication wasn’t the best which is why we split, I had family issues going on at home which meant I could not give my partner my full attention and for reasons which I still don’t believe we split, he said he was giving me time to sort myself out. But a simple text doesn’t take long, since then i have been on two dating sites talking to guys and both times its been communication which was our downfall.
If the world were more honest then it would be a better place right? well in a relationship you have got to accept the fact that your partner will be brutally honest.
Don’t be alarmed if they decline social situations, it may just be that large crowds set off an anxiety which makes them feel uncomfortable in group situations.
I love having autism and yes it can be a blessing and a curse at times but its part of my makeup – if i try to hide the real me, then I am not being me