Hey Guys Last week I wrote my raindrops on roses whiskers on kittens kind of happy blog. Today seeing as we are a few days away from Halloween. I want to share with you all everything that scares me & I have a challenge for you. If I can face one of my fears I dare you to face your own and write your experience to me either at autismgirl1@outlook.com or if you are brave enough share it with the group in the comments below.
My biggest fear is something personal because it has already happened to me and it has changed the person I am into who I am and I don’t want to get hurt again. You’ve guessed it. Bad Relationships. Its not that I am scared of love itself, I have had a few bad relationships in my life where I was controlled and badly emotionally hurt. Now I won’t go into specifics because I don’t want to scare my younger readers of finding that perfect relationship. Wait… Who am I kidding there is no such thing as perfect relationships. The “Perfect” relationship should be an EQUAL relationship where you both put the work in. It has happened to me one to many times that the relationship turns one sided and I end up being the one who puts everything in. Take my online post about autism and the internet as a warning. Now I worry about every little detail in the relationship. It has probably caused my anxiety. I definitely caused my depression because I know finding love is going to be so much harder when I tell people I am on the spectrum. Actually tonight is a good example. I was on a popular dating app and I was 2 mins into a conversation with this guy and he asked if I used Snapchat I said no because I didn’t have time. I lied slightly. I don’t use it. Only because I know what guys like him would use it for. “Private Pics” that is the only safe way I can describe it because I do not want my young audience being influenced by these terms. He replied with a sad face like he was trying to guilt me. Doesn’t work when you were used as a teenager who is wiser in her 20’s.
Ok before this goes like a rant. I better move on
My other fear is being home alone overnight. I don’t know what you would call it and the night this blog goes live I will have to live through it. So if you see a few tweaked tweets on my twitter don’t worry its only my anxiety causing me to be irrational. May just put Sky Disney on, its light tralalalalaness may just keep me calm.
My Final Fear is something we all have to face at one point in our lives. Public Speaking and again it is something I have to go through fairly soon. I know it is only 3-4 mins long but it is the prep for those few minutes which is causing me to panic what am I going to say, how am I going to say it. What if I mess up. All these things are running through my brain. But I guess it will go fine. as long as I stay calm.
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