Family Relationships and the strain autism puts on them.
Autism not only affects your child but it affects the whole family. In a household with autism, the primary care ratio is shifted from equal to more care being given to the child with autism. This can lead to sibling resentment. I have experienced this personally. I know my brother resents me. But maybe that’s part of the normal sibling rivalry, Though recently he caused me a massive depressive meltdown which is still affecting me even though i am trying not to show it. He calls me an inconvenience to his life and there have been occasions where i am not doing anything that he says that he wishes he was an only child and i know thats just sibling banter but it does hurt me. Though mum says she and her brother got on the same way. I cannot express how i feel to him because he accuses me of whinging or being too emotional and yes i am a very emotional person, always have been. Related family specifcally the older generations, seem to not understand what autism is. My grandparents didn’t believe it and still don’t they just see it as me acting out and trust me i did my fair share of that in my teen years. Though now i am in my 20’s i am exhibiting more solitary behavior not having many friends to call true. I think thats why i spend most of my time writing blogs for here because writing for you guys it feels like i am making friends with you all letting you into my life. Even writing these blogs i am pinging off more ideas in my head. for this series.
Now that my personal life is out of the way and wow it was under 300 words. I can now get down to what this post is really about.
Autism and Family
Autism can sometimes be a strain on the family dynamic. It can drain money because parents are buying expensive therapies, and all these expensive therapies may then put bills in a tailspin. and here’s what gets my goat. I hate to promote this horrid group. but Autism Speaks gets my goat on this issue. If you watch their video its on youtube i am not going to link to it because its a bone of contention for me, i really hate it. It starts off with the horror style voice, voicing terrors which sound like a stalker film.
“Every Voice I take away.”
“If you are happily married i will make sure your marriage fails”
“I will make it virtually impossible for your family to attend public functions”
“I derive pleasure from your loneliness”
These are all quotes from the horrible I am autism video.
But nowhere does this video show the upsides of autism , the complexity of the out of the box thinking, the brilliant work ethic especially when it is a subject they are interested in. I’ll give you my favorite example of a guy with Asperger’s traits. His name is Dr Spencer Reid and he is from criminal minds. But no one sees the good if they look at the statements that the “voice of autism” makes well the voice that autism speaks gives it. You just have to speak to an autism parent to see all the great things autism has to offer. Yes it may be hard. But whats hard is usually worth it.
Lets take a break from the lousy autism speaks talk eh and review and article on Pyschcentral. The article is entitled 4 ways a child with autism affects family life.
Again this is another article of rage for me. Not once do they mention the upsides and i just realized throughout the whole blog post there have been very few upsides to autism. I’ll correct it at the end i promise!!!
The first way it affects family life is emotionally. Every bullet point they say is negative. From embarrassment to resentment. Now seriously what parent resents their child. Where are the positives. The second one is marital impact. Now there is some validity in this as marriage is a lot of work and compromise. Money is one of the biggest stressors on a marriage.
I have mentioned previously in this post about sibling rivalry and ok writing this post has given me time to mull over his hurtful words and ok I can understand being the older brother to a sister who has special needs is hard and that will be the only time i ref my self as special needs. I am different and i love being different but i can see how hard it is to be him when my younger years were more difficult. Ok maybe difficult is the understatement of a century. In my teems I was an imploding timebomb. Self Destructing slowly getting into bad friendships with people who took advantage of me using me for my good heart and taking advantage of my helpful nature, Then i got worse, isolation faded into harm. I got into some pretty bad relationships, one with a guy who liked to restrain me then I got into a worse one who restrained me in more than the physical sense. He controlled my mind. which is something I cannot abide anyone doing. no matter their relationship to me or not. He ended things with me and my life got back on track but that sibling rivalry turned into protection. He became the big brother i always wanted when he swore he would never let anyone hurt me again. and thats making me emotional because I did get hurt again, and he was there but when he says all these hurtful things to me I can remember the moment where he just held me and told me that if i wanted another boyfriend he would have to be the one that i get approval of. Deep down i think he loves me like the big eejit he is!
Finally finances can make or break a family. “Families with autistic children often face a huge financial burden. Expenses for autism therapies are not covered by most private health insurers” in the US families with an autistic child underwent an average loss of 14 percent in their entire family income. Now thats a lot of money. Go by the NHS and although these therapies may take a bit longer to get, as long as our government gets its act together. Oh Wait what am I talking about HA!
Though no matter what matters, Autism needs unconditional love and where that comes from Family!!!! Oh Yeah Heres the article describing the great things about people on the spectrum http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2056941/Autism-advantage-Valuable-traits-include-exceptional-memory-visual-skills.html